


Planet x Meteor

by FFlove190, tyrannosaurus_rose



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Abuse, Anthropomorphic, Betrayal, Crack, Drugs, F/M, Frenemies, M/M, Multi, Other, Prostitution, conversation script?, malpractice, pimping, prompt, such shock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-28
Updated: 2016-07-28
Packaged: 2018-07-27 06:03:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7606504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FFlove190/pseuds/FFlove190, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tyrannosaurus_rose/pseuds/tyrannosaurus_rose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One evening, we had a conversation about anthropomorphised version of actual canon events.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Planet x Meteor

**Author's Note:**

> So.... we always intended to write a fic out of this. Like, for real. But we never did. If you want to, go for it!  
> Hope you like our crackish nonsense.

FFlove190: Sephiroth... I have a lot of head canons with, but usually the main one is his contact with Jenova  
FFlove190: Sephiroth was quite in his right mind when he got to Nibelheim  
FFlove190: with the whole 'monsters' bit that Crisis Core introduced and the loss of his two closest comrades, of course Seph is a bit more fucked up and a lot more... not unstable, just fucking - what's the word - vulnerable.  
FFlove190: I think, at that point, he had already suspected he was a monster but seeing the results, along with the name plate Jenova (who he believed was his mother) as a giant walking science experiment in the reactor just made him go ballistic. But I also think that half of that shit was Jenova's voice in his head making him batshit  
FFlove190: So, I think that if Sephiroth could take the experimented on pill separate from Jenova's main body, he could probably handle it. Maybe be pissed off and want to rage at something, but defintely not go insane and want to ride the planet around like a rocket ship

Tyrannosaurus_Rose: (It's not as sexy in-game as you make it sound)  
Tyrannosaurus_Rose: rofl

FFlove190: I don't understand what part of that was sexy xD

Tyrannosaurus_Rose: It requires the planet to be an active participant  
Tyrannosaurus_Rose: mostly just "ride it like a rocket ship"

FFlove190: hahaha, yeah... welll

Tyrannosaurus_Rose: sorry  
FFlove190: if you look at Sephiroth taking the energy from the planet to summon meteor as innuendo - he pretty much summons meteor from the depths of the planet

Tyrannosaurus_Rose: lol  
Tyrannosaurus_Rose: I haven't forgotten your suggestion of Planet x Meteor!  
Tyrannosaurus_Rose: (That would be such an abusive relationship)

FFlove190: it really would, in which Sephiroth is like a weird voyer... or like a sex toy  
FFlove190: that's just... imma stop now

Tyrannosaurus_Rose: I'mma keep going, just a little: President Shinra is one of those uncaring psychiatrists who's too hopped up on his own importance to really care about his patients, so he's over-prescribing the wrong hormonal therapy to Planet, which is fucking up Planet's sex drive  
Tyrannosaurus_Rose: (that's all I got)

FFlove190: why r u doing this to me  
FFlove190: then the planet meets this weird drug dealer, it literally falls out of the sky onto its head  
FFlove190: and this drug dealer (Jenova) is like: I know exactly what you need for your troubles, and he's pretty sexy if you know what I mean. Will give you all the bang for your buck.  
FFlove190: And then the planet is like: Sephiroth, what are you doing? you jumped inside of me (back at the mako reactor).

Tyrannosaurus_Rose: I think Jenova is a pimp, not a drug dealer  
Tyrannosaurus_Rose: but otherwise I'm following along

FFlove190: I was going in a different direction at first but then got muddled up, so yea pimp sounds  
FFlove190: right  
FFlove190: but anyway, the planet like has this weird relationship with Sephiroth and literally kidnaps him from his pimp after the planet starts going broke paying for him  
FFlove190: locks him up in some mako and hoardes him up.

Tyrannosaurus_Rose: no, no, Planet clearly starts sharing drugs with Sephiroth

FFlove190: And then Sephiroth, like all humans (or human mutations), gets bored. And he's like: you know what, we should just like kill everything and take a nice like ride thro the stars

Tyrannosaurus_Rose: keep it anthropomorphized  
Tyrannosaurus_Rose: Sephiroth has a weird reaction to the drugs Shinra has been prescribing to Planet  
Tyrannosaurus_Rose: and goes crazy  
Tyrannosaurus_Rose: et cetera

FFlove190: and then Planet tells Sephiroth about an old flame: Meteor  
FFlove190: Meteor was big, strong, and everything young Planet thought was good and great. But then Holy swaggered in and changed Planet's mind  
FFlove190: But then Holy decided it would rather hang out with someone younger - somone like Aeris and Planet was devastated. That's why she went to ShinRa for meds  
FFlove190: Then Meteor got into some shenanigans and some people locked 'em away somewhere way down south until everyone just up and forgot Meteor existed

Tyrannosaurus_Rose: oooh, especially because  
Tyrannosaurus_Rose: Aeris (or Aeris's mom, not sure how we're doing ages, I think Aeris herself) used to be Planet's best friend

FFlove190: ooo, shit man

Tyrannosaurus_Rose: but then when she and Holy got together, they totally cut ties with everyone  
Tyrannosaurus_Rose: yeah, Meteor was totally away in Jail

FFlove190: they totally like just retreated to Aeris's homeland and wanted to reconnect with her roots, so they just up and became hippies

Tyrannosaurus_Rose: "Flower children"  
Tyrannosaurus_Rose: LOL

FFlove190: xD  
FFlove190: So... when Seph is high on Planet's drugs and he starts thinking about Meteor, maybe he starts thinking that Meteor sounds pretty hot and wants to meet 'em himself. So, cracked out, he breaks Meteor out of prison

Tyrannosaurus_Rose: oh, no

Tyrannosaurus_Rose: Meteor's out but on parole?

FFlove190: oh no!

Tyrannosaurus_Rose: I guess a prison break is more true to the original...

FFlove190: Meteor's taken over a new leaf after his life in prison, and he's taking his first new steps out in the world as a Genesis fanboy - Loveless changed his life and made him a better person

Tyrannosaurus_Rose: ????  
Tyrannosaurus_Rose: WUT  
Tyrannosaurus_Rose: rofl

FFlove190: idk I'm going the most crackish direction

Tyrannosaurus_Rose: I was totally thinking of this as a legit anthropomorphized version of the events of the story

Tyrannosaurus_Rose: up until then

FFlove190: lol  
FFlove190: well... okay, let's back track  
FFlove190: so, Meteor's out on parole and he decides to just peace out and go hide somewhere in the woods.

Tyrannosaurus_Rose: ah, he's on a nature retreat to "find himself"  
Tyrannosaurus_Rose: lol  
Tyrannosaurus_Rose: a spirit quest, you might say  
Tyrannosaurus_Rose: (Jane's mom went on one)

FFlove190: Spirit Quest sounds like the name of a game lol  
FFlove190: So... anyway, Seph goes out and is searching for the elusive Meteor - because the sadistic fuck sounds super attractive to him, plus he thinks his pimp could make good money off of Meteor if Seph could coerce 'em (tho he's not really thinking clearly)  
FFlove190: As soon as Seph sees Meteor he like goes up and glomps him and shit because he's ready for it hard, but Meteor is like: fuk no and stomps off  
FFlove190: now... Seph really *really* fucking wants Meteor, and he happens to find a little druggie/prostitute/whatever the fuck Cloud is and coerce him into asking Meteor out.  
FFlove190: Seph probably sexes him up like crazy and Cloud is all like in a daze and instantly agrees or something like that  
FFlove190: the problem is Meteor won't go anywhere near Seph (those first impressions man, they kinda stick) and thinks he's some uber weird creeper guy.  
FFlove190: So Seph coerce Cloud (again) to take him back where Planet is chilling out

Tyrannosaurus_Rose: does Seph really have this much trouble getting to Meteor in game?

FFlove190: hmm....  
FFlove190: your right, he convinced Cloud to give it to him after AVALANCHE got it out of the Temple of Ancents (which Seph failed to retrieve it from)  
FFlove190: no, wait, he didn't  
FFlove190: the party made it up to the northern crater before Meteor got summoned, wit hthe black materia in tow. At this point, Seph is trapped in a crystal of mako; AVALANCHE randomly runs into some ShinRa execs like Hojo and Scarlet where Hojo proceeds to tell Cloud exactly what he is - a failed Sephiroth clone. And then Cloud gets all weird in the head, takes the black materia, and shoves it into the mako encasing Sephiroth. Then the WEAPONs wake up.  
FFlove190: so, yeah, he did have some trouble with it dere

Tyrannosaurus_Rose: ok

FFlove190: ANYWAY

Tyrannosaurus_Rose: well I was also going to suggest  
Tyrannosaurus_Rose: instead of Seph going to Meteor because he sounds attractive as you said (although it can be that too) I was wondering if Seph found out Shinra was actually drugging Planet on purpose to keep Planet as Shinra's bitch, and gets super fucking pissed (especially cause now Seph is on Shinra drugs too), and thinks with Meteor's help he can destroy Shinra (but he's too drugged up to think clearly that he'll also destroy Planet)

FFlove190: that's probably like phase three of his mental trip

Tyrannosaurus_Rose: ok

FFlove190: so he's like: get Meteor to fuck me, take Meteor back to Planet, fuck up ShinRa  
FFlove190: but in less logical ways  
FFlove190: Alright, back to this horrible headcanon why am I still.... deep breaths  
FFlove190: So, Meteor and cloud

Tyrannosaurus_Rose: I kind of want to incorporate some Meteor/Planet abusiveness, though (the part where Meteor is just hanging out overhead and Planet is flipping shit and Meteor's just like "I'mma fuck you up, flip as much shit as you want. LAWL.")

FFlove190: Well, Meteor doesn't even know he's going to Planet yet, he's just following Cloud around  
FFlove190: because Cloud's so cute

Tyrannosaurus_Rose: super controlling obsessive boyfriend  
Tyrannosaurus_Rose: ok  
Tyrannosaurus_Rose: sure

FFlove190: Meteor's like turned over a new leaf and was finding himself, but traveling with Cloud is super fucking hard because like... Meteor just wants to fuck him up soooooo bad

Tyrannosaurus_Rose: so it must have been Sephiroth's pimp who told him about Meteor, not Planet, right?

FFlove190: maybe? Maybe it was both?

Tyrannosaurus_Rose: why would Planet even know about Meteor?

FFlove190: Canon speak: meteor is planet's oh-shit button

Tyrannosaurus_Rose: mm  
Tyrannosaurus_Rose: ok

FFlove190: Crack speak: Planet is Meteor's old flame  
FFlove190: or really really bad youthful decision

Tyrannosaurus_Rose: maybe that weird high school boyfriend who got crazy over-protective and Planet (or someone who cared about Planet, like Holy) had to get a restraining order, but Planet still knew if (she?) needed someone to protect (her?) Meteor would totally be there  
Tyrannosaurus_Rose: would that make sense?

FFlove190: totally

Tyrannosaurus_Rose: ok  
Tyrannosaurus_Rose: so we're at the point of Meteor wanting to bone Cloud  
Tyrannosaurus_Rose: unless you had something else!  
Tyrannosaurus_Rose: go for it!

FFlove190: alright lol  
FFlove190: so if... Meteor is like the person with a restraining order, Holy is the knight in shining armor who came down and protected Planet - maybe a cop or something  
FFlove190: but... I don't know what the weapons are...

Tyrannosaurus_Rose: weapons are Planets response to oh-shit button (Meteor)?

FFlove190: WEAPON are the biomechanical creatures that the Planet made to combat Jenova (canon speak)

Tyrannosaurus_Rose: ahhhh

FFlove190: Holy is the planet's oh-shit button to Meteor

Tyrannosaurus_Rose: ok  
Tyrannosaurus_Rose: I think WEAPON must be organized crime

FFlove190: they were sleeping for a long time, but when Sephiroth got hold of the black materia all the weapons woke up and started wreaking havoc on anything that was causing trouble to the planet (thus they attacked reactors)  
FFlove190: maybe... family?

Tyrannosaurus_Rose: they were layin' low, chilling, but Planet was sort of sleeping with them too, and now they think of (her?? are we using female pronouns for Planet or male? Does it matter? I'm gonna use female) as theirs  
Tyrannosaurus_Rose: so when some other pimp starts sniffing around, they flip shit  
Tyrannosaurus_Rose: alternatively, sure, family  
Tyrannosaurus_Rose: (although I really feel like family would have gotten involved long before this point if they actually cared)

FFlove190: that's true. Yeah, I like the organized crime group.  
FFlove190: They were also cool with Planet and Holy, because Holy's a pretty awesome cop - even the criminals like him - but now that this whackjob's come in they just literally fuck everything up  
FFlove190: No...  
FFlove190: they don't notice until Meteor comes back, because Planet flips shit when Meteor comes back  
FFlove190: And Meteor, who had somehow been refraining all of his sadistic urges with Cloud until they got to their destination (the crater, but really, a strip club called: Crater lol), eagerly jumps aboard the Sephiroth train and is gleefully surprised to find Planet waiting for him  
FFlove190: then he gets all abusive he on Planet and Sephiroth licks up every minute  
FFlove190: he even kicks everyone else out of the club, shuts it down, and like armor enforces it just so he can watch all the fuckery

Tyrannosaurus_Rose: shiiiiiit

FFlove190: basically Seph would just like play second fiddle as S or M (however Meteor wants him, if Meteor even wants him to participate). It would be horrible and abusive

Tyrannosaurus_Rose: I love it  
Tyrannosaurus_Rose: although  
Tyrannosaurus_Rose: I kind of want a situation where Planet isn't totally hostage  
Tyrannosaurus_Rose: I really want Planet and Meteor to be dating for a while  
Tyrannosaurus_Rose: (Planet would only have pretend autonomy, Meteor would totally be hovering)  
Tyrannosaurus_Rose: http://www.upworthy.com/if-youre-dating-someone-and-you-get-this-phone-call-run-dont-walk-away?c=ufb1

FFlove190: hmm...

Tyrannosaurus_Rose: it's a short video  
Tyrannosaurus_Rose: I imagine Meteor like that but way worse  
Tyrannosaurus_Rose: both way more controlling and way more manipulative  
Tyrannosaurus_Rose: a little less heavy handed at times, for the sake of manipulation

FFlove190: maybe... Meteor and the Planet do date for a while.

Tyrannosaurus_Rose: Maybe Planet is just so happy to have someone taking care of her, and Sephiroth is a weird awkward sometimes-third in their relationship

FFlove190: So like, Meteor's following Cloud around and they get to the Crater (before Sephiroth gets all up in their face) and they try to work it out. Cloud thinks Meteor is a little weird but is totally okay with leaving him there.  
FFlove190: and then, Meteor's trying not to be controlling and manipulative, but Sephiroth just keeps niggling away at his self control.  
FFlove190: Then Meteor breaks and Seph is like: finally! and then they lock themselves up in the strip club until Cloud finds Holy and saves the day

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> Or is it? It's up to you to make the next chapter! (hope you laughed at least a little) :D


End file.
